♥__Happy.Endings__♥

What a week! Have been in hospital since Saturday, was walking or shall I say "hobbling" to Rach's for her 2st party when stubbed my toe, realised it was bleeding so sat on path and took off my sock which had a huge clot of blood on it. Rach's aunt and Kim sat with me till ambulance came, which took 40 minutes, then the paramedic had nerve to get me to hop to ambulance instead of getting stretcher out, Carl and Rach's Dad asked if he needed to take the clots of blood that had fell off foot to hospital to look at but paramedic said no but I would have thought doctors would need to take a look! In the ambulance, paramedic stuffed another bandage around my toes where there was blood dripping off the end of my foot and did the usual paperwork, once we got to hospital I was then bought into A&E ward on a stretcher, plonked onto a shitty wheelchair and then wheeled into A&E on my own, and in lots of pain. Was offered a tissue off lady cos I had make up and tears streaming down my face. Mum and Dad came about 20 minutes later, but after they came we waited for about 4/5 hours to be seen to. Went into see doctor and was lying on stretcher bed thingy, nurse started to take my dressings off and I was shaking uncontrollably, & in lots of pain. It took about 10 minutes and about 10 bags of saline (Salt & Water) to get all the dressings off but the result was not pretty. There was a gaping big hole in the side of my foot and it was all bloody and you could see inside. Was taken for X-Ray then put onto Ward 5 in a private room, think they put me in private as I had an open wound. Had two operations, one on Monday and one on Wednesday to have it cleaned and looked at, operation on Wednesday the wound was stitched up. There is about 15 stitches its so big. Had lots of visitors and lots of Malteasers, it also makes you realise who your real friends are also. Thats all I can really be bothered to write but I'm out now and it's all good, I can finally get some proper sleep!

I was literally up all night crying over my sore foot. I am going to go to hospital and demand an X-Ray today cos I just have this feeling something is wrong with it, I know Rach says it bruises a lot afterwards for a while but if these are bruises then fuck me they'll be big fucking bruises! I do think something is wrong with the bones though. Like when I move my big toe up and down I can feel the bone click inside of it and I get a spaz in the bone in the foot like every 5 minutes, which is uber annoying because I have to shake it about which makes it hurt even more.
Today going into college to give my certificates and proof of JSA in, going to ask about help whilst I'm on crutches. I still need to get that flippin number off Rach for the taxi thingy before I start.

1. What is your Boyfriend/girlfriends name? Phlip Phlop
2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? Black
3. What are you listening to right now? The phone beeping whilst I am on hold
4. Whats your favorite number? 8 and 11
5. What was the last thing you ate? Egg chips and beans
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Bright pick
7. How is the weather right now? Cloudy but warm
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Receptionist at GP
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Whether he has shaved, the only member of the opposite sex that I look at is Phil
10. Best memory last year? Um...I must have had a shit year cos I cant really remember anything
11. Do you drink? I do but I can;t at the moment :(
12. Do you smoke cigarettes? No
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what happened? No I remember everything
14. Hair color? Blonde, I need my roots done eurgh
15. Eye Color? Bluuuuue
16. Do you wear contacts? Nope
17. Favorite Holiday? Summer
18. Favorite Month? July
19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Yeah
20. What was the last movie you watched? Ummm A Perfect Getaway but only got half way through because Megavideo cut us off!
21. Favorite Day of the Year? My birthday
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Norr
23. If you could say something to someone right now what would it be? I want some codeine
24. Hugs or Kisses? both
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? IDC
27. Who is most likely to respond? No one as no one reads my LJ no more
28. Who is least likely to respond? Everyone.
29. What books are you reading? The Sims Game Guide
30. Piercings? ears and tongue
31: Favorite movie? I have two The Notebook and Titanic
32. Favorite football Team?: Newcastle.
33.What were you doing before this? Speaking to reechal on FB
34. pets?: Cat Toby
35. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Salty
37. Dogs or cats? Cats I had a horrible dream last night where a dog chased me and Toby and Toby nearly got ran over
38. Favorite flower? Ummm IDK I dont really care for flowers
39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? probs
41. Have you ever loved someone? yes
42. Who would you like to see right now? Phil Im seeing him later so good times.
43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? First school? Yes Rach is still my frient Ive known her too long its perpostuous
44. Have you ever fired a gun? A paintball gun and a water gun
45. Do you like to travel by plane? I like landing that is when i know I am safe
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right
47. If you could be with someone right now, who would you be with? Mother Nature
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 6 lol I use 3 for my head and 3 to keep my foot elevated
49. Are you missing someone? Old friends who I dont speak to,
50. Do you have a Tattoo?: Ouii

My oh my, I haven't updated in a long while. Me and Rach were reading back our old entries and mine were rather embarrasing and hers were absolutely hilarious. I was also reading entries from like 2004, I had such a low opinion of myself and a huge crush on Dave. God I can't remember the last time I spoke to him. I'm completly over both of them (Dave & Shreeve), & I'm completly in love with Phil.

Me and Phil are such a strong couple now I'm so happy with him. We have our ups and downs and we always will but we've got past the huge arguments and break ups we used to have. I have changed, I've got more confident and less self concious & paranoid. We went on our first holiday together to Gran Canaria in May, it was the best <3 Even though Newcastle were relegated while we were there and Phil got absolutely paryletic to drown his sorrows.

I'm now 21 years old. I'm still crap at keeping jobs, that's why I'm going to college in September to do Travel and Tourism. It's a one year course and I'm actually really looking forward to it. This time next year I'll be working for Thomson or another travel agency and will be flying around the world :) It's about time I did a job I've always wanted to do.

I also have a better relationship with my parents, and my whole family pretty much. I haven't had a fall out with Nana in ages. Even though she is incredibly annoying and interfering you just have to bite your tongue, because she is just lonely and thats what she is like.

I'm really close with Simone too, she's one of my best mates. We were never that close when we met, in fact we never really spoke with each other, but we go on regular nights out with each other and we're so alike. I have good crack with Mark and Parker too. I pretty much don't like Henda.

I had an operation on my foot on Tuesday. It is sore. Ouch.

I wonder if me and Rach will keep this updated from now on, it would be nice.

So I got pregnant, then yesterday morning woke up in a puddle of blood.
Went to the doctors, said I had a misscarriage.
Sent me to the hospital who checked me out and said I could still be pregnant if it was just a threat misscarry.
After all Ive been through I think I want to keep the baby.

I think its also nearing the end of me and Phil for good. It was a year and a month on the 12th March.

And I also realised last night that I'm a very jealous & uptight person. Its getting out of hand but I didnt realise till now, like for example, I'm jealous of people who are close to their family or can talk to their family and their family looks after them. Mine never did that. I'm jealous of people who have loads of good stuff, but I think thats just normal. I'm jealous of people who have loads of friends because I'm an unstable person and I find it hard talking around new people, I'm too shy and pretend to be someone I'm not all the time. I want to have a sense of humour and for people to like being around me.
The jealous gets in the way of things and makes me fall out with the people Im closest to.

Had an argument with Mark, cos I told him about how controlling him and Nicola are when all of us are out drinking. He seriously can't handle the truth.
And he was saying its boring when I'm out drinking anyway cos Phil doesn't get as drunk. Well I'm sorry, but I'm sure its saying something when Phil has to get absolutely mortal to have fun, but when he's with me he doesn't drink as much cos I'm there and thats what he likes better.
But I don't go out with them anymore because Mark and Nicola piss me off to the max. Like we have to go to the clubs that they want to go to, and then obviously Parker and Simone will go with them cos Parker is Marks best mate and Simone is Nicola's then theres just me, Phil, Paul and sometimes Aaron . It's always when I've just bought a new drink as well that they want to go to another club. & all they fucking do is just stand with each other and kiss all fucking night, at least I have the decency to talk to other people I'm out with.
And when I talk to Nicola online and she says "what you doing today" and I'll say I'm supposed to do an essay but I'll see Phil instead and shes like "you and phil spend too much time together, you should do your work first," well maybe I should but did I ask for your fucking opinion?
And what about Mark on Friday night, Phil had been to Killingworth with him and Parker earlier at the bookys, Phil asked Mark if he wanted to go to town drinking next Friday and Mark said "probably not", then Phil asked Parker if he wanted to go to town on Friday and Parker said "yeah," phil asked Mark again if he wanted to go and he said he "might", then me and Phil met everyone at the pub later on that night and Phil asked everyone if they wanted to go to town on Friday and Mark went "we were all going anyway", WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!!

Nicola and Mark were alot nicer when they were seeing different people but now both of them together are just so annoying to be around.

Oh goooood Im so happy with life.
Well most of my life, working at Deep isnt exactly what I thought it would be, so I phoned up few weeks ago asking if they needed bar staff and they said they had too many bar staff but they'd hire me as a glass collector till after Christmas.
My first shift I was put on perfumes (litle room downstairs where you have to take peoples jackets for the whole night - not fun).
The night after I was on glassying which I thouroughly enjoyed but that didnt last long as from after that I was always put on perfumes.
I've been working there for about 5/6 weeks now and I've only had two/three proper glassying shifts altogether. Me and Matty came to an agreement that after my breaks if I was on perfumes I would swap with another glassy and for the rest of the night be on glassying and the other glassy would be on perfumes.
Being on perfumes has had its upsides though, like making a load of new friends, stalkers, etc.
David Pinkney is a regular at Deep and happens to fancy the pants off me and when he comes to see me all he does is stare at me - on the first night he met me he told me how much I'd change & I admit, I have changed alot but hes creepy and a druggy and Im really not into him and I have Phil.
Oh also - Chloe Gilmore works at Deep, the girl who made my life HELL all through middle school and shattered my confidence after that, but I'm over that and shes great now. :D

Had a good new years/christmas. Had a boyfriend to spend it with which made me so so happy.

Got my pictures back from Makeover 2000 - check my myspace - I have a few of them on there :)

My mum loved them especially and secretly sent them off to a site for models!
I got a phonecall today off them and now I'm going up to London for a photoshoot!

So excited.

Can't really be bothered to write much but yey!

I am now officially 18 years of age as of 4 minutes ago!
Happy Birthday to me!

xxxx